Lifes Puzzles and associated complexities
January 15, 2025
Do you ever feel like you’re someone completely new, yet you’re still the same person? That’s the paradox many women experience when they become mothers. How does motherhood affect identity? The answer isn’t simple. The journey into motherhood brings profound changes to your sense of self, leaving many women wondering, how do you find your identity after motherhood?
This blog explores the transformative process of matrescence—the developmental and relational shift that occurs when you become a mother. We’ll discuss how long it takes to adjust to motherhood, the societal expectations that shape this transition, and the inner dialogue so many women experience. You’ll also find reflective exercises and practical tools to help you navigate this evolving identity with clarity and compassion. If you’ve been wondering how motherhood changes a person and how to embrace this new chapter, you’re in the right place.
Motherhood is one of the most transformative experiences a woman can undergo. But did you know there’s a word to describe this monumental shift? Matrescence.
Matrescence is the process of becoming a mother—a transition as profound as adolescence. Just like the teenage years, it comes with hormonal changes, emotional upheaval, and a need to redefine one’s place in the world. It’s messy, beautiful, and, at times, disorienting.
So, how does motherhood affect identity? For many women, it’s not just about becoming a parent but about navigating a new sense of self that combines their past and present.
How long does it take to adjust to motherhood? There’s no universal answer. Some women feel grounded in their new role within months, while for others, the adjustment may take years.
The length of this process often depends on several factors, including:
· Hormonal shifts: Postpartum changes can influence mood, energy, and mental clarity.
· Personal circumstances: Changes in work, finances, or relationships play a significant role.
· Support systems: Having (or lacking) a network of friends, family, or professionals can make a big difference.
· Personal identity: The degree to which your sense of self was tied to pursuits outside of motherhood, such as a career or hobbies.
It’s important to remember that this process isn’t linear. Just like adolescence, matrescence comes with peaks and valleys, and that’s okay.
Another key factor in understanding how motherhood changes a person is the pressure of societal expectations.
Modern motherhood comes with an endless checklist of ideals:
· Be nurturing but not overly indulgent.
· Return to work, but stay fully present at home.
· Maintain your pre-baby body while “bouncing back” emotionally.
Social media often amplifies this pressure, creating unrealistic portrayals of mothers who seem to have it all figured out. This can leave many women feeling like they’re falling short.
The truth? The “perfect mother” doesn’t exist. Real mothers are resilient, imperfect, and human. Recognising this can help you release the unrealistic expectations you may have placed on yourself.
Every mother wrestles with the question: How do you find your identity after motherhood? It’s a deeply personal journey that often begins with an internal tug-of-war.
Here are some common thoughts new mothers may experience:
· “I miss the freedom I had before, but I wouldn’t trade this bond with my baby for anything.”
· “I used to feel so confident in my career. Now I second-guess everything.”
· “Am I doing enough for my baby? Am I doing too much?”
These thoughts are normal and part of piecing together a new identity—not to replace the old you but to integrate it with your evolving role as a mother.
If you’re grappling with these feelings, try these exercises to reconnect with yourself and explore your identity:
o “I am a mother and a creative.”
o “I am nurturing and ambitious.”
o “I can grieve my old life and embrace this new chapter.”
o Write a list of your values before and after becoming a mother. What has shifted? What remains constant?
o Create a visual map of the roles you play (e.g., mother, partner, professional, friend). Write one word next to each role describing what it brings to your life.
· How does motherhood affect my identity?
· What aspects of my pre-motherhood self do I value the most, and how can I bring them into my life now?
· What’s one thing I can do today to honour myself as a person, not just as a mother?
Motherhood isn’t about losing yourself; it’s about discovering a new version of you—one that integrates the past with the present.
Instead of seeing motherhood as a binary shift, embrace the concept of and, not or. You can be a mother and a dreamer. A caregiver and an individual.
Just like adolescence, matrescence is an ongoing journey. It takes time to adjust, but with patience and self-compassion, you’ll find your unique balance.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the transition to motherhood or struggling to piece together your evolving identity, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate it alone. Seeking support can make a world of difference. Whether it’s through connecting with a trusted therapist, joining a supportive community, or simply reaching out to someone who understands, there is help available.
At Pivotal Women’s Psychology, we specialise in supporting women through life’s pivotal transitions, including the journey into motherhood. Let’s work together to help you find clarity, confidence, and balance as you embrace this new chapter of your life.
Book your free 15-minute Pivotal Pathway Discussion and take the first step toward feeling more like yourself.
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